Here is a message we received in our inbox. We will appreciate your contributions on this issue. Remember that a problem shared is a problem half-solved. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail to info@duchessinternationalmagazine.com
Dear Duchess,
Falling in love with my husband was one of the best things that ever happened to me, but I never expected our marriage to come with a constant battle against his family’s impossible demands.
We met while I was studying for my master’s in the U.S. He was kind, intelligent, and supportive—everything I had ever wanted in a partner. Our relationship quickly blossomed, and it wasn’t long before we started planning a life together. But there was one thing I hadn’t fully prepared for: his parents.
When I first met them, it was clear they were hard to please, but I had no idea just how difficult they would be. From the start, they scrutinized every detail about me, making endless demands and treating me like an outsider. I did my best to remain respectful, patient, and mature, but no matter how much effort I put in, it never seemed enough.
Both our families met in Nigeria twice, and despite these attempts at uniting them, his parents never warmed to me. A year into our relationship, with my visa about to expire, we decided to have a private civil ceremony to secure my stay and begin building our future together. However, when my husband informed his parents, all hell broke loose.
They accused me of using him for immigration papers, throwing hurtful words my way as if I had no value beyond my residency status. It was devastating. Even after our pastor tried to intervene, his parents remained firm. His father even demanded that we divorce and write to immigration to cancel my visa. My husband and I refused, standing together against the barrage of accusations.
Then came the final straw. His father insisted that every time I see him, even in public, I must kneel with both of my knees on the ground as a sign of respect. While I respect my Yoruba heritage and traditions, I have never done such a thing for my own parents, let alone outside Nigeria. The thought of doing it in front of our church community—where we all attend—feels dehumanizing. I believe this demand is just the start of something bigger, and that it will lead to more humiliating requests in the future.
Now, I’m at a crossroads. Should I leave the church, the one place where I’ve found some peace, just to avoid this toxic power struggle? Or should I stay, greeting him respectfully in my own way, without bowing to his extreme demands?
I feel torn between honoring tradition and standing up for my dignity. @Duchess International Magazine, I need your advice. How do I navigate this painful situation without losing myself in the process?
Please, kindly drop your advice for our anonymous in the comments. Thank you.
