I Love him but his family hates me totally.

By Duchess Magazine


Here is a message we received in our inbox. We will appreciate your contributions on this issue. Remember that a problem shared is a problem half solved. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail to duchessintmagazine@yahoo.com

Dear Duchess

My Name is Charna, I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for five years now and we have a two-year-old daughter together.

When I met my partner he had a daughter from what I then thought was a previous relationship. Later I found out that it was an ongoing active relationship with the mother of his first born.

I broke things off with him when I found this out. During the break they had a second child and then eventually broke up.

We met up again about two years later and just reconnected! Our relationship has been really great. He is incredibly supportive of me and our daughter and an awesome father to our child.

Last year he came to my family to begin the lobola negotiations and next month he will finish his end, and plans for the wedding need to get underway. I love him very much and he has been nothing but good to us.

As exciting as it all seems, I am really worried about our future together

His family hates me and their hatred for me is coming through in how they treat our daughter which really hurts me and we sometimes fight about it.

Because our relationship began as a love triangle (even though I didn’t know it) I have always been labelled the ‘other woman’ by his family.

In the beginning how his family felt about me didn’t really bother me, because I was so happy in our love bubble – I don’t think I even really noticed. But when my baby came and the damages process was done, he acknowledged my child as his – however his family insisted on a DNA test despite this.

I agreed because I didn’t want to appear suspicious, like I had something to hide. Soon after this DNA test was done his ex started texting me about what a slut I am and at least her children didn’t have to go for paternity testing etc.

I of course ran straight to him and he confronted his family, and it came out that his younger sister was the one communicating this information with the ex.

Long story short, both his sisters (he has no other siblings) are good friends with the ex and regularly communicate with her. And whenever the ex has any information that can potentially hurt me she taunts me with it via text/ calls/ emails and often I have responded and given as good as I got.

This has worked to my disadvantage because she goes crying to his family and only reports her side of the story, then I have his sisters attacking me and calling me crazy.

I did eventually stop engaging with her and responding to her taunts by changing my details, but the bad feelings continue. Whenever my daughter is visiting his family they act like she is not even around, they ignore her (as they do me) and are quick to tell me to tell her to ‘shut up’ when they are watching TV.

They never wish her a happy birthday or even want to ask (her dad, their brother) how she is doing. But they go out of their way to be involved in his other kids lives and call him out whenever they believe he is not pulling his weight with his other kids.

My daughter is the youngest grandchild but they will put up posts of her older sister and call her the last born in the family. Every time I go over (which is not often) the ex will either be invited over and I’m left isolated while they go about chatting and even gossiping about me or they will make plans with her and tell us that they are going to see her and we must please let them know when we are gone.

My fiancé says he can’t dictate to people who they should be friends with and I should just learn to ignore them and not let them get under my skin

His parents are not any better and his mom would participate in the gossip and call me names.

 Since the  negotiation process started, the parents have seemed to back off and are not attacking or being outright mean. But little things that they don’t do for our daughter but do for his other kids come to my attention and just make me question what kind of life are we going to have.
I’m not sure what to do

My mom, aunts etc. all have amazing relationships with their in-laws and constantly praise them for their support as it helped them do more in life. I too want that, and this friction between me and his family is not only hurting me, but it’s isolating him from his loved ones and keeping my daughter away from potentially very rewarding relationships.

Not sure what to do…?

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