I Feel left Out in My relationship.

By Duchess Magazine




Here is a message we received in our inbox. We will appreciate your contributions on this issue. Remember that a problem shared is a problem half solved. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail to duchessintmagazine@yahoo.com

Dear Duchess,

My name is Wendy, I was studying abroad last year and met a very cool guy. We got along really well and spent all our time together, and honestly I fell pretty hard for him after a while. And then I found out he had a girlfriend. Well, whatever – I’m an adult so I put my feelings aside because I liked being his friend so much. We had a lot of things in common and bonded over being from the same general area (nobody else really was in our program and we were in an extremely homogeneous country).

So when we returned to our home countries, because we live in the same time zones, we talked a lot. He told me he and his Girlfriend, who was a native of the study abroad country, broke up. He drunk texted me a few times about it, telling me how cute I was, etc. and I felt my feelings coming back. OF COURSE RIGHT. Cool. But I ignored it for a while until I felt okay and started flirting back.

Then he went BACK to that country and I found out HE SAW HER even though he was miserable. He said they spent the whole time fighting. I was bugged by it, but he said after that trip, they were absolutely done because he was sick of trying. And we went back to our weird thing we were because I am stupid and believed him, I guess…?

We talked about me going to visit him, about him coming to see me. It’s a very short flight between our cities. We talked about going back to the region we had met in and traveling to some of the other countries around it. I was so excited. We were, legitimately, boyfriend/girlfriend without officially saying “yes we are dating”. I don’t want to go into much more detail than that.

And THEN after a few weeks I felt like something was just wrong. I confronted him and asked what was going on and he admitted he cared about me a lot, but he felt like long distance relationships were too hard. I accepted it, but told him he messed up and should have told me from the start and he accepted that.

We have not talked since then. It’s been almost a month. I’ve taken the time since then to get over it and sort through my emotions. I recently found out he went BACK TO SEE THE GIRLFRIEND. I feel so used and hurt! I don’t understand why he would do this to me. I don’t understand why he would do this to HER. She deserves better, both of us do!

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have to tell this girl, but I don’t know if she would believe me – except I have a ton of screenshots from our chats. I’m just this random girl. I don’t think she even knows who I am. She’d probably not believe me anyway. It just kills me that she’s spending a ton of money to go see him when he was doing this song and dance with me for months, when he said he was miserable and not emotionally attached to her anymore. It pisses me off that he did this while acting like he’s this great feminist. Most of all, it hurts that he was one of my closest friends and I trusted him so much only to find out he wasn’t worth it at all, but I still feel hesitant to give up our old friendship. I know it’s never coming back and I can’t accept that. I don’t miss his actual self, I miss who I thought he was.

It just sucks. I don’t know if I’m angrier at him or at me?. because i am Tired of the whole thing, i need a New life but am just confused and my relationship status is complicated. please i need a good a advice Duchess.

1 comment

Louis's March 25, 2016 - 8:15 pm

Am dating this guy for 7months now he stays at a different place,so I only visit on holidays but any time I visit this guy,he always leave me at home and go out with his friends rather. this has being going on for lyk 4months now,pls help me cos I really want to end this issue.


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