Here is a message we received in our inbox. We will appreciate your contributions on this issue. Remember that a problem shared is a problem half solved. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail to duchessintmagazine@yahoo.com
Dear Duchess,
My name is Quincy I have been married for seven years. I have two beautiful children to show for it. Other than this, I have had a very difficult time with my husband, from at least six months into our marriage.
My husband never showed me the affection I desired
My husband never showed me the affection I desired, we wouldn’t really talk about anything important, he would often tell me not to dream about the future – like me wanting a house, a car, you know basic things that all women want.
I was told to be grateful that we had shelter and food
I was told not to be materialistic. There were a lot of things said to me over the years, too many to put into this email. I keep things bottled up, and I put it away, hoping that one day things will change, and maybe, just maybe things will get better. But as soon as I start feeling a little happy, something is said or done to bring me down. It’s come to a stage, where I feel so empty, I have become so numb inside, I just shut down so I can’t get hurt anymore.
I remember crying a lot and never feeling fulfilled emotionally
I would often see other couples, and think why can’t my marriage be like that? I have come to a point where I want to get out. I am 32 years old, and I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling nothing. I love my children (one is five years and the other eight months) and do not want them to come from a broken home, but I feel so guilty for wanting something better for myself.
My fear is…how long will this last?
Can someone suddenly change so drastically? I lived with him for six years – he completely changed overnight! Is he playing me? I am so suspicious of his motives. Does he really love me? We are only married religiously, and not registered under SA law as husband and wife. So I am classified as a single mother. I work for a company, and have had a stable job for over five years now: he on the other hand does not have a stable job, and his income is erratic.
I know he means well, but something keeps telling me “Be very careful!”
How can I be with someone I do not trust? I am trying to give him a chance, because of our children, but the more I think of the past, I become more fearful about the future. I am not saying that I did nothing wrong but I really did put my heart into my marriage, only to slowly have my sparkle dulled. Now he wants to tell me that I am the best thing that ever happened to him. That he never really showed me how he could really love me. Why was I not worth his love at the beginning, and now when I want out, he wants to give it his all, and so should I. Please give me some advice, I know you can’t tell me what to do, but I need some sense of direction. I feel like my life is falling apart, and I will myself forward because of my children, they are the only ones I focus on. I am so heartbroken, and conflicted. Heartbroken about the past, and conflicted about the future. #
