Here is a message we received in our inbox. We will appreciate your contributions on this issue. Remember that a problem shared is a problem half solved. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail to duchessintmagazine@yahoo.com
Dear Duchess,
I am pretty desperate for an advice, as I do not have anyone to look up to or to serve as a guardian in my life.
My name is Vivian I am 30 years old and lost everything I had due to previous relationships I could write a book about that.
After my last relationship, filled with dark manipulation, sexual and emotional abuse that nearly pushed me to suicide, I have slowly started to find my feet again and have received amazing emotional support from a dear friend, who is now my new boyfriend. By new, I mean we have been together now for more than two years.
My boyfriend has the best sense of humour, he is loving and has everlasting patience with me … there has been just one tiny problem.
Since we’ve been together, he has not had a job at all and hasn’t generated any income whatsoever. He moved in with me and I have to provide everything.
I have already been battling for the last more-than-two years to slowly find my feet again, gain independence and all the things I have lost before (I literally walked out of the previous relationship with a black bag full of clothes) and now I have to look after him as well.
In the beginning of our relationship we were planning on moving to another province, and he kept on telling me that he would get a job as soon as we moved into our new apartment.
After we finally moved, he had one excuse after the other and would also deal with his job-hunting in a passive-aggressive matter. This has been going on for more than two years now.
When I get home after a long day’s work and ask him what he did, he would always reply with “Nothing”. How can you do “nothing” for days in a row?
When I get home after a long day’s work and ask him what he did, he would always reply with “Nothing”. How can you do “nothing” for days in a row?
A few months ago, he told me that he wanted to start a small business
If that means that he will be pro-active and start to contribute, I fully support that. Of course it means that I have to help him with the start-up fees, which I don’t mind either, if he is really willing to make it a success.
I have decided that this will be his last chance, and would like to give him an ultimatum that, if this business doesn’t work, it is over. I feel that his lack of ambition is also a lack of respect for me and our relationship.
My question is, how can I give him this ultimatum in an effective, yet gentle manner?
I really hope to hear from you.
Many thanks Duchess.
