I Got Married As A Virgin But I Am Scared To Have Sex. Help!

By Duchess Magazine

I am twenty seven years old and I recently got married (few months ago). Before I got married, my sole priority was to remain a virgin. Not because I wanted to per se but you know how parents pride themselves with the whole virginity thing.Back then, I was so scared of losing my virginity that I didn’t even use tampons for fear that my hymen would break. Ignorant me right?In my second year in University, according to my dad, I started dressing like a “University babe”, so he went as far as taking me to a hospital for a virginity test.
Fast forward years later, I got married as a virgin BUT now that I am willing to let go, I am pretty much paying for all the time wasted to get it done which has resulted to me being extremely scared to have sex.
Whenever my husband makes an attempt, my body becomes rigid instantly and I end up running out of the bedroom.
It is so bad that I cannot even get naked in front of him or see him naked.
Whenever he is in the bathroom, I would go to the living room and wait for him to dress up. I also undress and dress up in the bathroom with the bolts locked just to ensure there is no room for nudity.
Please help me. Google literally knows my fingerprints because I have googled everything I can just to get answers but all to no avail.
My husband has been wonderful and patient with me but given the circumstances, I really do pity him for all I am putting him through.
Please help me by telling me how virgin wives can enjoy sex without so much drama.


Paula December 18, 2015 - 3:30 pm

This is funny..Not your fault, but you need to face your fears..

Funmi December 18, 2015 - 3:31 pm

don’t be afraid,it won’t hurt …you will later enjoy it

Anonymous December 18, 2015 - 4:31 pm

I was in similar situation some yrs back cos I also got married as a virgin,mine was even worse bcos i was not only tinking about d pains I was going to went tru but also d pride of loosing it,dear sister I’ll advice u just do it once n 4 all its not as painful as ppu normally put it but it call 4 endurance 4 d first 3-4 tyms of sex b4 u ll start to enjoy it so just put ursef togeda n stop starving ur loving husband

Queen December 18, 2015 - 5:11 pm

You have to accept him to do it, because that’s only way you can become a mother.

Tessy December 18, 2015 - 5:13 pm

My dear, you better do now b4 your husband go for another option

Anonymous December 19, 2015 - 8:27 pm

U are doll

Anonymous December 19, 2015 - 9:08 pm

pls u really need to do it. he myt be patient now but u are pushing him to d wall

wumi December 19, 2015 - 9:29 pm

U urself shld try and help itself.

Anonymous December 20, 2015 - 5:39 am

hmmm.laughing five yrs ago I faced dis trauma.After my wedding l goggled I called my aunties for help yet it was nt easy if nt by force I will stl be a virgin my hu by has to force me.

obi blessing December 20, 2015 - 10:05 am

soon or latter you have to do it ,but don’t let it take long cause sex is the honey of marriage. with out sex your marriage is not complete …..

Messiah December 20, 2015 - 2:00 pm

woooooow; I’m really speechless, nevertheless I do believe you have painted terrific pictures about sex in your subconscious mind; It is this images that you have to erase from your mind and replace them with romantic once; then and only then will you have the boldness to have sex with your dear husband. It’s no sin to do it now that you are married dear. Go have fun with your husband.

samuel December 20, 2015 - 10:18 pm

It’s Normal For You To Get Afraid It’s Like Telling An Adult To Creep On The Floor He/she Wnt Do Dat Xo I Advice U To Have A Meeting With Your Husband And Ur Doctor,consult Ur Doctor Abt Aving A Gud And Painless Sex There Are Xo Method That Could Be Used To Ease Pain During First Sexual Intercouse Remember Sex Helps To Strengthen The Bond Between Couples And Most Esp Bring Forth Children Xo Av A Positive Thought About All Dis Though Am A Virgin Bt I Knw One Or Two Abt Sex.

Mary December 21, 2015 - 7:36 pm

Your Comment U and your husband should see a sexologist and discuss your problem with him/her. But is your husband also a virgin?

Anonymous December 21, 2015 - 10:08 pm

Hmmm… Speechless though

Anonymous December 21, 2015 - 10:21 pm

Take heart 6ta,
dnt b scared,
bcs u really need it

Osadebe bridget December 22, 2015 - 6:21 am

Your Comment
my dear try and do its, it’s only dat way you can be a mother please

Evan. Victor Simeon Erewa December 22, 2015 - 1:06 pm

You are inviting a nemesis and the wrath of God upon your entire life.

Anonymous December 22, 2015 - 2:09 pm

Take my little and candid advice, When u are alone with ur hubby, dressed in ur sleeping wears, try watching photographic movie with him, am sure it will do u lots of good.

Joshua December 22, 2015 - 3:48 pm

Your CommentYou really don’t have problems it is a common experience in every first attempt in life. It’s there in either trying to learn how to ride bicycle, car or even use the ATM for the first time. A married woman already with children very beautiful and a graduate at that matter once confined on my wife that she gets afraid to seeing her hubby naked as to make love with her. It’s all about your mental imagination. You will over come it. I advice you undress your self go to bed cover yourself with your beddings close your eyes while your hubby comes to you as you both cover in the same bedding and b4 you know it it’s all over.

Anonymous January 13, 2016 - 9:26 pm

I like your advice Joshua.

orin December 22, 2015 - 5:37 pm

Zero ur mind dat yu r compensating ur husband 4 his patience and yu ® ready 2 go tru pains 4 d man yu luv and luvs yu and most especialy 4 yur dear family….yu must blv yu av 2 mk a sacrifice 4 dat family of urs…so,c it as de sacrifice yu must pay 2 av a wonderful family…..

God's love December 22, 2015 - 7:55 pm

We are also in same shoe,buh d different is dah u’r married buh me is abbt to marry…..av been tinking of ao to do it,am so scared

Anonymous December 22, 2015 - 8:17 pm

My sis this is the lawful way to practice it , pls forget the shyness n try. You make ur guardians , n ur husband proud . U can start wit romance n u wil nt feel e pain .

Anonymous January 14, 2016 - 8:04 am

That’s a perfect idea

Anonymous December 23, 2015 - 8:20 pm

Dear woman U just pray that God should deliver u from the spirit of fear and fear of sex and give u grace to fulfil ur road both sexually and otherwise (i.e other area u need help)

Anita chukwudi December 28, 2015 - 5:43 pm

Your Comment swthrt you dont have to kill yourself about it same happening to me

Anonymous December 28, 2015 - 8:15 pm

Your Comment Dont B Shy ,u Just Ve To Do It,it S A Must Bcos Dat S D Only Way To Proof Dat U Can B Trusted

Anonymous December 29, 2015 - 2:12 pm

I like to read stories without a reply but for this I have to help out. You see I am a virgin myself, maybe not of the age of marriage nor am I ready for one but when I get married in my purity. Not by my works, but by the grace of God. I think I do understand where u are coming from and why u are so scared. But u need to realise the word VIRGINITY is not really something u should pride urself over.
Please love allow me explain. You see from the very mind set of our God he created us all and instructed us to keep our self’s for our body is the temple of the most high. Before sin came into the world, every girl was a virgin. Got married virgins that’s why MARY the mother of JESUS was with child even while she was pregnant. Ever since sin came into this world, people tend to praise themselves for doing the right thing. Keeping yourself as a virgin is the right thing to do, u should never even in the first place be told that you should do that. My Bible tells me in MATTHEW 5:16 “let ur light so shine that men may be and glorify ur father which is in heaven”… I don’t know ur religion or believe but I would first like to say please don’t think u have done a good job keeping urself and now u just can’t let go. If u give birth to a child and u take care of that child u wouldn’t expect anyone to praise u because it is the right thing to do right? So is keeping urself. Come to my house and u would discover no body is proud to show of their virginity because every body is… (BY THAT I MEAN MYSELF AND MY ELDER SISTER WHO IS NOW TURNING 22 OH… LOL).
Now consigning you loosing your virginity, I think I do like ur husband who has been so patient with u to have waited. This is what I would like when I settle down, to remain a virgin for about 6 months. Just making up for all the kisses and (forgive my spoilt mind) romance I have missed over the years before I finally open up. But it’s not gonna be because I’m scared, it’s gonna be because I want my husband to know sex is not a reason to get married but for the love. That even in tough situation when he gets mad at me he closes his eyes and say “but I love her sha”. What I’m trying to say here is if u love ur husband more than u fear loosing ur virginity, u would let it go. Forgive those ignorant people who kept insulting u, my guess is they have no ideal what it means to be 27 and be presented as a child to ur life partner.
Let it go, fill urself up with the love u have for ur husband. This time u make the move walk up to him and give him a kiss (trust me he would do the rest… I think). In all this pls be prayerful. Tell God how u have followed the Law and u want him to bless ur union. God bless u lovely woman of virtue. U are highly favoured amongst ur equals…
~Princess Silver.

lyn January 30, 2016 - 8:22 am

well, u should try to imagine the ‘situation’ without fear but with a romantic setting. First time sex will be less painful if there is adequate foreplay. As for your rigidity, u have to trust your hubby. In addition, you have to get rid of your notion that ‘sex is painful’. Sex is fun and enjoyable. Have sex with your hubby cos u want to but do not do it cos u want to do him a favour or else u wont relax, thus a problem. As for you being such a prude, i wonder, do u av scars or anything – actually that does not turm men off. Find glory in your body, every woman is sexy. Being prude is normal for new brides but you have to face nudity or even half nudityand stop running away from. One step at a time. Talk to a trusted friend who is not such a phoney about sex or talk to counselor.

Anonymous February 10, 2016 - 11:07 pm

Hmmmm…….this is a difficult situation but from your narration, I’ll suggest you need a change of mind about sex because unless you change what you’re thinking, you can never change what you do. As your thoughts translates into actions. So to begin,you should try seeing a sexologist to help you psyche up and most importantly be willing to have a change of mind and It will be better if the sexologist meets your husband as well since you need each other to overcome this challenge. Don’t worry too much, everything will be fine……just take the step towards solving it.

G blecks February 16, 2016 - 11:43 am

Your Comment
Dear woman,stop fearng dat nice thng of ur swit husband of urz!
If fearng why got maried instead of joing catholic as a sister?
Athyz remove dat ka bad spirit of urz.

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