I enjoy my father in-law on bed than my husband

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Dear Duchess,

Both me and my husband are 25, we’ve been married for 4 years and have a strong relationship, never cheated on eachother or anything of the sort. Everything changed when his mother died from throat cancer, I’ve known the in-laws and they are such nice folks that it was a dark time in our life. His father was the most affected by it for sure, given the circumstances, we decided to take care of him and have him live in our house for the time being, so he isn’t alone.

He is 51 and ever since the death of his wife, he has been very very hard on himself, sometimes even having thoughts of suicide. This was worrying to both my husband and I and we tried our best to console him. He had turned to alcohol to relieve his stress, and this was the cause of the beginning of our relationship.

Before this all happened, we were planning to have a child and therefore I quit my job and was preparing to be a stay-home wife, now my husband is working his ass off to support both me and my father, who is taking an extended vacation from work due to the circumstances. One night, my father in-law got drunk and started getting very emotional with me, he mistook me for his wife who had passed, I panicked but given the situation, I just let him cry it out while he hugged me and touched me in somewhat inappropriate places.

He apologized the next day after remembering what he had done. He said that due to the mental and sexual stress he feels that life is worthless without his wife, and he bluntly asked me to relieve him, emotionally. Of course I agreed and almost everyday before my husband comes home, I would let him hug it out and we’d talk about things that I have never talked about on that level even with my husband. Things turned more and more sexual as the days went by, of course my husband did not know this. I told him I was connecting with his father on an emotional level and he encouraged me to do so more, given that his workload increased since his promotion he is unable to help as much as he’d liked. What he doesn’t know is that at that time, I was essentially giving my father in-law sexual relieve, albeit was only massages and the occasional handjob.

As time went on, it felt more and more natural for me as I began to spend more time with my father in-law in comparison to my husband. It all happened when the company that my father in-law works for essentially forced him to retire, that was a huge shock for the family, and my father in-law regressed back to a gloomier self. That night is when I offered to take it one step further, I offered him sex, through pity and hoping to bring his mood back to how it was before. In my life I have never had sex with anyone but my husband, but that night was also the most fulfilling sex I’ve had in my life.

It changed from that night on, we continued to have physical and sexual contact with each-other because it was just so easy to. I’ve become more emotionally and sexually attached to his father than I am to him.

I feel like my life has changed, and although some days I would say I feel a bit of regret. To be honest, I feel like this is the most alive I have been in all my life.

Am confused don’t know what else to do because i feel am not been fair to my husband and also i don”t want my father in-law to commit suicide too. Can someone please help me?